


oh if you could see (my bleeding heart)

by timberlake



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AKA Louis, Harry Just Wants The World, Liam Is Too Soft For This World, Louis Is More Angsty Than That Movie, M/M, Multi, Other, WARNING: A Shit Ton Of Self Loathing, Zayn Just Wants Liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:09:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timberlake/pseuds/timberlake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“my liam,” she started with a wavering voice, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, “i don’t know why the world is doing this to you but i will not let you surrender to it. you are the most amazing and wonderful person on this earth m’ love, you are the good in this world liam, please always remember that.”</em>
</p><p> <em>they both ignored the tears that were crawling down his face as he nodded and let her plant a kiss on his forehead. she patted both his shoulders twice.</em></p><p> <em>“you ready, love?”</em></p><p> <em>“i’m ready.”</em></p><p>+</p><p> <em>louis tomlinson didn’t play by anybody’s rules, not even liam payne’s. the boy wasn’t made of glass, and louis didn’t know why he was the only one aware of that fact.</em></p><p> <em>and if you asked louis, he’d tell you the thing he disliked the most about liam payne was the fact that louis couldn’t dislike him at all—</em></p><p> <em>no matter how hard he tried.</em></p><p>or the one where liam and louis meet at x factor and hate each other, zayn just wants liam to love himself (and maybe love him too), and harry just wants a world where him and louis tomlinson are together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh if you could see (my bleeding heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jmcats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmcats/gifts).



> so this has been sitting in my laptop for god knows how long and i finally decided that it needs to be free to be critiqued and spat on. (please be nice, it's my first time) i would also like to blame liam for this because if i had not have stumbled upon that acoustic 1d performance where louis and harry were laughing at him, this fic wouldn't exist. don't get me wrong i'm all for larry, but i know a thing or two about taunts getting out of hand. 
> 
> so, now that that's out of the way, 
> 
> just a side note that this fic is in no way complete and will have about four or five parts. 
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> (this fic is also dedicated to jmcats for writing the best ziam fics out there, thanks for sharing!)

* * *

  ** _oh, if you could see_**

**_(my bleeding heart)_ **

**_one._**

**_liam._**

**_(2008)_ **

_**birmingham.** _

his back still hurt from the last time and he was trying really hard not to sweat through his long sleeved shirt, the last thing he wanted was for the whole world to see just how much of a disgusting freak he was.

he tried not to fidget in his outfit too much in fear of it getting wrinkled, he did _not_ wake up early and stood for an hour in front of an ironing board for nothing. his hands were damp when he walked up to the table to sign his name and get his number sticker, they left wet smudges on the signup sheet but he didn’t let it bother him because he was here.

he was _here_.

his heart was racing at the meaning behind the thought of still being here tomorrow, what it would mean– _fuck, what it would mean_. he tried not to dwell on it though. he was more than nervous as it is, he didn’t need to get himself more worked up than necessary. when the time came for him to stand in front of the camera and briefly introduce himself— _say something good mate, they gotta remember you_ —he cleared his throat and told the device his name. he tried to find something about him that would be deemed enough to make the people interested-make them _remember_ , his mind immediately went to a conversation he had had with andy last week. they were having a random, intense discussion about professional stand-up comedians and how the first joke is always about themselves, how they would continue to take a piss at themselves for a good while before moving on to the other topics. he remembered something andy said, about how comedians do this to make the people comfortable, and to make sure they get the making fun out of them— _their_ flaws out of the way before taking the piss out of other things. liam payne was a boy of many flaws, as he’s been told daily by his fellow class mates, so it wasn’t that hard to come up with some.

but what came out of his mouth was:

“ _when i’m at school-in general um, i think about singing all the time. i should really be concentrating on my work but i just think about singing, which is a dream and i’d love to do it._ ”

he really wanted to punch himself afterwards.

he should of said something else. probably should’ve mentioned his non-working kidney, that would’ve definitely been something to be remembered – _oh that boy, he only has one kidney you know!_ \- but he didn’t, no. he had to mention his failure in school which-what even _was_ that? everyone’s shit at school, there’s nothing special or memorable about that fact about him or about the fact that he loves singing. obviously he loves singing, or else he wouldn’t be here, him and the thousands of people waiting in line with him.

it’s at times like these that liam really hates that he isn’t and will never be very intelligent. he knows he’s not the brightest kid around but- 

“stop it.” his mother’s voice interrupted his train of thought and he turned around to give her what he hoped to be a genuine smile, but the pointed look she threw at him for it made him realize that he failed miserably. “you’ll be fine liam, you’re brilliant.” she said it with such conviction that he almost believed her. he knew he was good at singing, great even but- “what if they don’t like me?” it came out of his mouth before he could stop it, but he didn’t regret it, his mum was one of the few people he truly trusted in this world. she gave him a fond smile before pushing his straightened hair from his forehead. he fought the urge to move out of the way, she’s the only one who’s allowed to touch it after all. “liam, what are you going on about? you ‘ave the most beautiful voices I have ever ‘ad the pleasure of hearing.” she said while shaking her head before cupping his cheeks. he felt his throat close up because that’s not what he meant, that’s not what-

“i know they’ll like m’ voice mum, but what if they don’t like _me_? why would they even bother with someone so-“ he cut himself off because he didn’t even want to know what was going to come out of his mouth. he looked down at his shiny shoes –polished this morning-, he decided that they granted him a better view rather than the guilt-inducing sight he was to witness in front of him. his mother however, was having none of that, she used the hands cupping his cheeks to push his face back towards her and her sad eyes didn’t disappoint, for the wave of guilt hit him harder than any school mate ever could.

“my liam,” she started with a wavering voice, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, “i don’t know why the world is doing this to you but i will not let you surrender to it. you are the most amazing and wonderful person on this earth m’ love, you are the _good_ in this world liam, please always remember that.”

they both ignored the tears that were crawling down his face as he nodded and let her plant a kiss on his forehead. she patted both his shoulders twice.

“you ready, love?”

“i’m ready.”  
  
_**wolver hampton.**_

he was so fucking stupid. what was he even thinking? him? a _singer_? he was liam goddamn payne. the boy who knew nothing and failed everything. the boy who couldn’t even pass art class because his drawing was so shit. who did he think he was? did he actually think he had a chance? boys like him don’t get chances like that and they definitely do _not_ have the x factor. that’s just how it is. he was nothing-

he will always be nothing.

and it _hurt_ , more than anything he had ever experienced in his life. it hurt more than the time he got kicked so hard he couldn’t walk properly for months _._ it hurt more than the thirty-two injections he took every night and day up until last year. it hurt more than that time andy kissed a girl liam had been crushing on for weeks. it hurt more than when he failed an exam he studied four weeks for. it hurt more than all of that and it was still hurting _._

he was _liam goddamn payne_.

the boy who got sent home.

 _ **(2009)**_  
  
he didn’t want to be here. he didn’t want to be here yesterday and he still won’t want to be here tomorrow. his back was still sore from tuesday and his stomach had bruises scattered all over it. there were yellow, green, and purple marks all over him like he was some sort of twisted canvas. but the marks didn’t upset him though, for there were two boys a grade higher above him with matching bruises, except theirs were on their faces-for the world to see. his knuckles ached but he didn’t care, it was worth it. every jab and punch was worth it. he didn’t care about his or their parents finding out. he fought _back_ and it felt amazing. the hitting itself wasn’t what enjoyed him, it was the look on their faces combined with the feeling afterwards that just made him feel so alive. they had looked broken and beat and shocked more than anything. they couldn’t believe that _he_ had hit _them_ , that _he_ was the one standing with _them_ on the ground. that there were two of them and one of him and he still _won_. he still walked away from them breathing steadily, no tears in sight. _h_ e was the one to look back at them with a smirk this time and he _loved_ it. he loved it so much.

as expected, the jabs doubled after he was sent back home, which made the whole thing even worse if that was possible. the taunts and laughter were used specifically to break him and they had succeeded. he had lost the one thing he truly found worth fighting for and now he had nothing to lose— _nothing_. he was a new person now, fifteen with less baby fat and more bitterness. his dream was crushed but he couldn’t help but continue practicing his vocal range everyday. testing his falsetto and tremble in front of his mirror like he had something to prove. it gave him a form of satisfaction, the fact that he knew now that, on a good day, he could hit a falsetto that sounded _exactly_ like justin timberlake’s in that one song- _i just wanna love you baby_. he tried not to, but he loved that he could. loved that he was good at it. he couldn’t ignore the voices that told him he wasn’t good enough for the judges, but he also couldn’t ignore the tiny voice that whispered “ _go back next year, that’s what they told you to do. it wasn’t a no, it was a grow a little and come back to us_.” he didn’t really know what to do with either voices so he just put them both away and tried to focus on something else besides x factor and school drama.

he really didn’t want to be here.

school was like this twisted personal hell that he couldn’t get out of. it was torture. no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the material down, and he also couldn’t drop out and he just-what’s the _point_? what’s he gonna do with that high school diploma? he hated the idiotic idea that smart people were the happy ones who got what they wanted and talented people just had to be _realistic_. it’s not _fair_. he hated school. he hated the people in it (minus andy) and he absolutely loathed the work and problems that came with it. 

he didn’t want to be here.

but-

he flipped the page and picked up his pencil.

 **_(2010)_** **_  
_ **

it was like they took the amount of people who were here two years ago and multiplied them by a hundred. it was so so loud and it seemed like the crowd was never ending. liam didn’t remember the queue being so long or the camera crew being there literally everywhere you looked. it was like the last time he was here was just some sort of pilot episode and this was the real deal. the energy was even more of a buzz and the sun was shining brighter if that was even a thing. 

liam didn’t know how to feel. 

on one hand, this is him giving his dream another chance, him basically saying “ _okay, i didn’t get you last time but i’m trying harder this time around._ ”

but on the other hand, this is him coming back and doing it all over again, with the same hope and same sweaty palms. he wasn’t nervous though. he _had_ this, he knew he did. he wasn’t worried about the judges liking him or not, he knew they would and he knew they were going to say yes. getting in isn’t the hard part, staying in, _well-_  

considering he had done such a good job of doing that last time, one would guess he was more than terrified about that. this time, he wasn’t going to be shy and terrified. this was _it_ for liam, he either made it or went home, there was no in between. he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself by remembering all the practicing he had done for the last two years -all the singing and boxing and tears of frustration, they were all leading up to this moment and liam wasn’t going to let anyone or anything get in his way. 

“love,” his mum’s voice rang out, he blinked his eyes open and gave her a smile- a genuine one this time. she smiled back, “you alright in there?” she asked with a hesitant look on her face, as if she was afraid that liam would snap at her or something ridiculous like that. he let out a breath and kissed her forehead, “’m alright mum.” he said while burying his head in her neck, “just wanna get it over with.”. she let out a small laugh while rubbing his back. “it’ll be over soon and you’ll smash it, they won’t know what hit them.” with a final squeeze, she let him go and gave him a look that can only be described as pure adoration and he tried his best not to cry. “thanks mum.”

this time, when the moment came for him to talk in front of the camera, he was prepared for it. he mentioned that he was here two years ago and that he had only made it to the judges houses (liam was ninety-percent sure that they were going to show footage of his time there when it aired), and he also mentioned that simon had told him to come back and that that’s what he was doing here today. he sounded confident, even to his own ears, and he just hoped to god that the viewers wouldn’t find him cocky or something. when it was time to go out and perform, he gave his parents a hug each and walked on the stage. despite his nerves, liam had never felt more comfortable than he was on that stage. he felt like, that by having been in this position before, he knew something the other contestants didn’t. he also felt like he was already part of the show, which was a feeling he tried to demolish immediately. if there’s one thing the story about the rabbit and the turtle race had taught him, it was that being overly confident lead to failure. he didn’t need any more failures in his life.

when the audition was over and simon fucking cowell gave him a _standing ovation_ , liam felt like his ears were ringing. it went like he expected it to, brilliantly and without his voice cracking, he knew that those three-am rehearsals would do him good. when he was back in his mother’s arms, he couldn’t stop smiling, “my baby boy got the whole crowd standing!” she said loudly with tears streaming down her cheeks and a smile that took over her whole face. he couldn’t find it in him to answer her without sobbing stupidly so he simply nodded and hugged her back. 

it was a good day.

**+**

he was waiting in line trying to figure out what to order, cursing himself for always doing this, why was it so hard to pick between a cheeseburger and chicken nuggets? he’ll never know. he was so distracted by the menu above him that he didn’t notice the shy hazel eyes that were working up the courage to talk to him. he was just about done with this whole situation and was about to go order both because why the hell not—he had a right to celebrate, when a voice came from his right.

“you’re liam payne right?”

-and later- _years_ later, liam will tell you that he will never forget the way the boy said his name, the way he stretched out the vowels and made _leeyum_ his new favorite word-

but for now,

he found out that the boy’s name was zayn malik and that he was from bradford. he was half pakistani and had three sisters. liam couldn’t stop staring at his mouth and he didn’t know what to do about it, but the other boy didn’t seem to notice. 

zayn malik was a comic nerd like him, and was also here to audition for the x factor. he told liam that he had seen his audition from backstage and that he thought he sounded _sick_ -his words- and that liam was amazing. liam tried his best not to blush from the compliment but how could he not when the person complimenting him was _zayn malik_. liam wasn’t used to people like zayn malik talking to him, people who shined when they spoke and were beautiful inside and out. but zayn malik kept talking and kept listening to liam as if he was the most important person in the room, and liam didn’t know how to feel anything but dazzled. zayn malik had tanned skin and long eyelashes, his hair was short and black and he looked so _tiny_ \- and liam just hoped that the boy would get a yes from the judges as well. he tried not think about what would happen if he didn’t.

liam didn’t know who zayn malik was,

but he was already devastated by the thought of living without him.

**+**

liam felt like his heart was in his throat. his eyes were stinging from the tears that refused to stay in and his face was wet-

_they brought him back to humiliate him._

that was the only thought running through his head. this was all for more viewers and to make them feel more horrible than they already did. a boy named louis- who liam had already seen around enough for him to be a familiar face had an arm around him while zayn malik stood on the other side of him, he looked as horrible as liam felt and liam wanted to punch someone for doing this to them. next to zayn malik, stood a blonde boy who always had his guitar in hand and would sing all over the corridors and staircases as if he had no care in the world, liam didn’t know his name, but he felt like this boy was someone he had to meet. next to the blonde stood harry styles. liam knew of him-of course he did. harry styles had a voice that made liam want to hide his away, it was deep and had a familiar tilt to it that made liam want to be friends with him. everyone was talking about harry styles, liam couldn’t blame them.

the words of the three judges in front of him didn’t register until-

 _we just felt like you were too talented to let go of-_ and his heart started racing and he tried not to breathe too harshly. boys like him don’t get second chances. boys like him don’t even get a first chance, what was she even saying. liam needed to listen but he couldn’t. what was happening. what-

“we’ve decided to put you both through to judges houses _._ ” and he couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe it. he saw the boys next to him hugging, and harry styles was being lifted into louis’ arms but liam couldn’t move. he glanced at his _stupid_ shiny shoes and tried not to sob because- 

this is what he wanted right? he wanted to sing, and if he had to share that dream with four other boys then it was no big deal, he could handle it. he looked up to find zayn malik smiling at him with teary eyes and he let out a breath.

he could do this.

_**x factor, week 1.**  
_

when liam properly met louis tomlinson, he was amazed.

he had never met someone so loud and obnoxious and _all-over-in-your-space_ like this boy. he was rude and sarcastic and had a way of making the other person love to hate him. he was also very touchy, in a way that liam was still not comfortable with and didn’t think he ever could be. the other boys took it with a stride, all of them adjusting to louis’ personality as if they’d known him for years. but liam hadn’t known louis for years, he’d known him for exactly one week, he was practically a stranger to him, and he wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. he was just getting to know him and these things take time, there’s no point in rushing it. but louis however, seemed to think otherwise. he was always taking the piss out of liam when the other boy got too uncomfortable, or when he’d beg the boys to rehearse.

and liam didn’t want to be that person- the one who was bossy and never let the other band members have any fun, but this was their first live performance in front of an audience as a band, and he didn’t want to be unprepared—or worse, have the judges regret their decision. he wanted them to be comfortable and familiar with each other as a group and he didn’t want any stupid mistakes. this was liam’s dream, all of their dreams, and he’d be damned if he let louis fucking tomlinson ruin it. 

which is why, the inevitable had to happen. and if you ask liam, it was long overdue.

they were currently sitting at the practicing room in the x factor house. it wasn’t anything fancy, a simple empty room with huge full-length mirrors on both sides and wooden floorboards. the five of them were sitting on the floor in a circle, munching on snacks.

“so, what do you guys think of practicing the first verse and chorus again? i think we messed up the queue a bit last time.” liam asked as he got up to throw away his candy wrapper, he should really cut off on the sugar, his body didn’t need any more damage. he heard a snort, which he was pretty sure came from louis, and a giggle. and as he turned to walk back, he found harry with his face buried in louis neck- dimples in clear view- with his hands fisted around louis’ jumper. liam didn’t even want to think about what that meant. “ _please_ , payne.” louis said with a smirk, “we all know we sounded brilliant, i doubt the judges would care that much if we sang the chorus one millisecond later than we were supposed to.” he said-still smirking, while harry whispered god-knows-what into his ear. liam tried his best not to lose his cool. _he’s still a stranger liam_ , he chided himself, _you can’t hate him just yet, give him a chance._

“louis,” liam started calmly, there’s no point in raising his voice. “the performance is in three days, it needs to be perfect, _we_ need to be perfect. or at least close to it if we wanna impress the judges.” he said, still standing up, “so please, let’s just rehearse a bit so we can at least get the chorus right.” he said, trying not to look annoyed. it would help no one if they fought, and this isn’t the first time louis had said something like this.

but louis, well, being louis, didn’t take being ordered what to do lightly. so liam wasn’t surprised when his eyes narrowed and his smirk grew. “payne, we’re alright yeah? no one’s gonna rehearse today because we _don’t. need. it_ , we've done it enough times already, we’ll be fine. what do you boys say on checking out the pub down the street? i heard they played good music after ten.” he asked the rest of the boys as if liam wasn’t still standing in front of him.

“that sounds ace, mate.” nail bellowed out and then laughed hysterically as louis jumped on him and proceeded to wrestle with him. harry was laughing and looking like louis hung the stars, and zayn was staring at liam with an apology in his eyes and liam-

“is this some sort of _joke_ to you?” he snapped, he made sure to raise his voice a tiny smudge to make sure he was heard above the rough housing. he was so fucking tired of louis dismissing him every time liam tried to get the boys to practice, and he was specifically tired of harry and niall following louis’ every move like a bunch of puppies. louis let go of niall and looked at liam with a raised eye brow, “excuse me?” he asked, like this was some sort of shitty teen movie where it was louis’ job to show liam whose the person in charge. well, fuck that.

“is this-this _competition_ , a joke to you?” he asked, making sure his voice portrayed his distaste perfectly. he didn’t let louis answer. “because i don’t know about you, but i actually want us to win. and that won’t happen if one of us cracks in the middle of the bloody chorus.” louis was standing up now, moving closer so that he was right in front of liam’s face. his expression was deadly, but liam wasn’t scared of him- he’s dealt with way worse his whole life.

“you know, _payne_.” he spat his name out with such disgust that liam actually considered punching him, “i don’t know who you think you are, but just because cowell wants to blow you, you’re not any better than the rest of us.” he said while motioning to the rest of the boys. liam rolled his eyes, jealousy was an ugly color on anyone. he was about to voice that thought when louis stepped dangerously closer, “and if anyone’s voice is gonna crack it’ll be you, because you’d be too fucking busy worrying about what other people will think of you. so stop being so _fucking uptight_ and let us have our fun.” he said before stepping back and moving towards the boys, but liam didn’t let him.

he had an amazing group of people ruining his life back at home, he was not gonna add more people to that group. and he was _not_ going to let his dream slip through his fingers because his arsehole band mate refused to rehearse. he fisted his hands on louis’ shirt and pulled him closer, he saw the look of surprise on louis’ face, was more than familiar with it even.

“you listen to me, _tomlinson_.” he said-mockingly, with a low voice that he didn’t even know he possessed, “i don’t think i’m better than anyone, especially not you. we all have good voices, so stop being a jealous twat.” louis’ eyes widened comically and was about to retaliate but again, liam didn’t let him. “i have enough cunts back at home who act _just like_ you, so you don’t scare me. but this competition is my life, do you understand that? it’s _everything_ to me, and i will not let you ruin it. you are going to put that voice of yours to use and _rehearse_.” he said and waited for louis to process what he just said. but louis-the twat- scoffed as if liam was being completely ridiculous, “and if i don’t?” he asked with a glint in his eyes, a challenge _–fucking_ twat. liam smirked then, “then you don’t,” he paused to see louis’ confused expression, before pulling louis even closer so that they were practically nose-to-nose.

“but if i hear so much as a hitch out of place in the final rehearsal, i’ll ruin you.”  he said it with such fever that he saw louis hesitate for a beat, trying to figure out if liam was just all bark. liam didn’t wait to hear what louis had to say, he released him and took a step back.

“you have a good voice tommo, don’t fucking waste it.”

he didn’t know where the nickname came from, but all he saw was louis’ glare and harry’s matching one beside him. niall looked nervous and zayn was stood in a way that gave liam the impression that if things got too far, he would be by his side in an instant.

“you know, you don’t scare me either.” louis said, venom gone from his voice. liam gave him a shrug. “i wasn’t trying to.” louis shook his head before looking at harry for a few moments. harry felt his gaze and turned to look back at him. 

-and later- _years_ later, liam will ask louis what he saw in harry’s eyes, and louis will tell him that he saw the stars, and that they made him feel like he wasn’t alone- 

but for now,

“fine then,” louis tomlinson said as he walked towards the stereo at the corner of the room, “let’s fucking rehearse.” but before pressing play he looked over his shoulder,

“i still fucking hate you, payne.”

liam tried to hide his smile.

_**x factor, week 2.**  
_

the performance went well.

it wasn’t amazing, but it wasn’t horrible either. liam would be lying if he said he felt any bit of confidence before going on stage, he was a nervous wreck actually. the only thing that kept him somewhat sane was the beautiful bradford boy who was starting to become an essential part of liam’s life. he honestly doesn’t know what he would’ve done if zayn wasn’t there to soothe and distract him with anything he found interesting at the time. the fact that zayn was nervous too did not seem to be important to _zayn_ , for he had made it his sole mission to make sure liam was alright above anything else. and liam- well liam just wasn’t _used_ to this, someone caring for him this much. sure, back home he had andy, but andy would’ve maybe had given him a hug before proceeding to take the piss out of him, and that’s not what liam would’ve needed. zayn was different. from the short time he had known the boy, liam felt nothing but fascination at every new thing he learned about him, and he will forever be grateful for his presence with him at this competition. 

the performance started out rough, liam will admit that. and he had no one to blame but himself for it, he started too soon and couldn’t keep up with beat. it was nothing too noticeable, for the judges said nothing about it. but liam noticed, liam always notices when he fucks up, and he did. zayn was brilliant, he also-like liam, couldn’t keep up with the beat that much, but his velvety voice made up for it. liam, for some reason, didn’t get annoyed at zayn’s fuck up, didn’t fault him at all for it. he was starting to think that he would never fault zayn malik for anything really. niall was _brilliant_ (minus the little out of tone note at the end), and that made liam want to hug the irish boy so hard and just squeeze him until he understood just how much him listening to liam and practicing his arse off meant to him. harry-of course was amazing, and took the dancing a bit too seriously in liam’s opinion but that didn’t matter, he was perfect.

and then there was louis.

liam didn’t know what to expect of the doncaster boy at all. all week he had been rude and obnoxious and an annoyance, but he didn’t try to distract the boys from practicing and didn’t ignore liam’s commentary and critique, so liam really didn’t know how it was gonna go. but of course, louis tomlinson did not fail to surprise him. louis had everything on point, his voice didn’t crack once, and it was obvious that he’d been practicing. and liam was so incredibly grateful  that when the performance ended, he allowed louis’ arm to pull him in even though he would normally reject it. and after simon said something about him that made liam’s grin stretch across his face and his eyes to crinkle so much that they disappeared, he couldn’t stop grinning at louis stupidly, and it seemed louis couldn’t stop doing the same either.

_“—and i’ve gotta tell you, what was so impressive about that was—cause it’s a big leap going on this stage, when you started to screw up- one of you in the end, liam stepped in, you brought it back together, and that’s what bands do.”_

it seemed that they had come to an understanding. they both wanted to win, and were going to put aside their hatred for each other to achieve that, and that was fine with liam. they weren’t magically best friends right now or anything (liam didn’t think they ever could be), but as long as he got what he wanted in the end, it was fine. and liam didn’t care that louis and harry would sometimes whisper behind his back on how bieber-esque his hair looked, or when they would make fun of his stupidly, dramatic singing face.

he didn’t, he really didn’t.

and if he spent a few hours last night in front of the mirror trying to change the way his face looked when he’s holding a note while fidgeting with his hair,

well, that was nobody’s business but his own.

**+**

the rehearsals for the second week performance were going smoothly.

they were doing a kelly clarkson song and liam was actually very excited about it because he actually had that song memorized and at a really high score in his karaoke machine back home. however, when simon came to them and started showing each of them which part of the song they were meant to sing, and that liam had gotten _both_ verses, he started to worry a bit. the comment louis had made last week about liam being simon’s favorite was not forgotten, and the looks sent his way after simon left made the message very clear. and liam, well- 

liam knew what was happening, he wasn’t stupid. but was it really so bad that he was getting a little extra attention than the other boys? if—no _when_ they win, it won’t matter anymore, because the world will realize just how much of a boring person liam is and would lose interest immediately. so liam ignored the looks from louis and harry and decided to enjoy the attention while it lasted.

after all, he was liam payne. and no one pays attention to liam payne, at least not for long.

and when they started rehearsing the full song in the piano room, liam started noticing just how _good_ him and zayn sounded together. their harmonies were perfect and on point, and liam wanted to listen to them forever. he had never enjoyed singing with someone else this much before, and he loved it. and from the way zayn was looking at him during the second verse, he knew zayn was enjoying it too. louis and harry seemed to be lost in their own little world and liam, again, tried not to think about it. it was none of his business if two of his band mates were maybe-possibly-shagging, he didn’t need the mental images. niall was giving each of them these fond looks that liam didn’t know how to respond to, so he just smiled back and hoped his crinkly eyes delivered the message.

a day before the performance, liam decided that he needed some alone time to just breathe and collect his thoughts without any of his other band mates distracting him. he wandered through the halls of the house and came upon the rehearsal room, he deemed it good enough and entered the threshold and basked in the silence the room provided. after a bit of contemplation, he decided to put on his favorite dance playlist. it’s been a while since he’d danced by himself, and he’d missed it. he wasn’t brilliant at it or anything, but he loved it. he loved when his body listened to him and moved in time to the beat, and when his feet moved in a perfect fluid motion. he beamed as justin timberlake’s voice blared through the speakers and he loosened his shoulders and let all the tension leave through the movement of his limbs- _touch is so magic to me the strangest things can happen-_ he sang along to the words he knew by heart now and felt a sense of pride when didn’t go out of breath.

liam just really loved music.

the song came to an end and the next song started up and before he knew it, he had made it through half the playlist and had soaked his clothes with sweat. he didn’t feel drained though, he just felt alive, like there was something shimmering right under his skin and it was lighting all his senses on fire, and he loved it, might be even addicted to it. a glance at his watch told him that it was almost midnight and he took that as his queue to go to bed, the last thing he needed was to be exhausted in the performance tomorrow.

he unplugged his ipod and turned off the lights before shutting the door. and as he made his way back to his room, he wondered if his band mates will accept this side of him, or will it just be added to the list of things they had chosen to make fun of. he tried to imagine them supporting him-encouraging him every time he perfected a new dance move but he couldn’t. they wouldn’t understand, they-

 _zayn,_ his mind suddenly reminded him, _zayn would understand and you know it_. and it’s true, for the two weeks or so they had known each other, zayn had never made fun of him once, not even jokingly. he always rolled his eyes or ignored the other boys when they would take the piss out of liam and liam was incredibly grateful. it seemed like zayn was becoming the closest to him in the house, and liam finds that he wouldn’t mind that one bit.  
  
**+**

the performance was brilliant and the judges loved it.

there was a horrifying moment in the final rehearsal where harry felt ill and liam didn’t know what to do, he looked so fucking pale and miserable and liam just wanted to take care of him. louis was being protective, demanding that harry would sit this performance down, and liam saw where he was coming from- he did, but what would the judges think? that it was only their second performance and they were already slacking? liam didn’t want to get on their bad side and it wasn’t like harry had a solo or anything to worry about. he only had to put a little effort in the chorus and that was that. but liam-knowing louis, didn’t voice these thoughts out loud, he reminded himself to lay off on the bossiness, the boys didn’t need another smack down between him and louis. so he sucked it up and prayed for the best, and his prayers got answered when the time came for the actual performance and harry looked okay again. his face wasn’t its usual color but wasn’t yellow either, which was good.

when the performance ended, liam was still high from the adrenaline singing in front of people gave him, so he decided to ditch the boys and head to the rehearsals room to blow off some of the energy. he didn’t understand how he wasn’t exhausted right now, but he guessed that his body was just used to this from the ridiculous amount of physical activity and vocal rehearsals he’s been doing for the last two years. he was too busy scrolling through his ipod when he was walking into the room, that he didn’t notice the tiny figure stretching on a mat in the center of the room floor.

“oh, hello there.”

liam let out a startled squawk that he will forever be ashamed of before dropping his ipod with a clank. brown met brown for a beat before liam coughed awkwardly, “sorry, i didn’t think anyone would be here.” he said with a blush staining his cheeks, embarrassed by his reaction.

the girl laughed at him.

“oh, it’s alright.” she said as she sat and spread both legs and started stretching her arms, “i don’t mind sharing, i’m used to it.” she said with a wink that made something tighten in liam’s stomach.

“oh?” liam said, still standing, “how so?” he asked before contemplating if it would be weird if he decided to join her on the floor.

the girl got up from the floor in a way that was so graceful that it left liam’s mouth a bit dry, “i’m a dancer, we have to share room space all the time. ” she said before standing in front of him. he tried not to notice how her dark leggings and tank top showed off her very lovely curves, the last thing liam wanted was to freak her out.

“you dance?” she asked him before turning her back to him and facing the mirror once more, she lifted one foot behind her and held it with her hand, keeping her body balanced on her other foot.

“sometimes,” liam said before walking towards the speakers to plug his ipod, he figured he was welcome to join, “it makes me feel good.” he added before taking off his dark cardigan, leaving him only in his white t-shirt and grey joggers. the girl smiled before switching to her other foot. “tell me about it.” she said and then her whole face lit up when she recognised the song that was playing.

liam grinned at her before moving to stand next to her facing the mirror, he belted the first verse of the song to her without shame and relished in the delighted look it granted him- _it’s been some years now since we hit the floor to get down._

in an act of boldness, liam grabbed her hand and twirled her around, surprising them both when he lifted it her up a bit before grabbing her by the waist. they didn’t break eye contact and stayed there as usher’s voice filled the room. liam waited a few seconds before removing one of his hands from her waist to push a stray curl back from her face.  

“i’m liam,” he said, ignoring the way his voice was lower than normal and had taken a weird breathy tone.

the smile she gave him made his heart flutter.

“i’m danielle.”

 **+** **_  
_ **

**_louis._**  

**_X factor, week 3_.**

if you asked louis, he’d tell you that there were a lot of reasons to dislike liam payne.

the boy was bossy, uptight, and awkward. he had a way of making you feel like you did something wrong when you didn’t, and had a tendency of reminding louis of everything he wasn’t—everything he _should_ be. 

liam payne was golden—is the thing.

louis had always hated gold.

it reminded him of the small shiny band that for the last eighteen years had taken residence in the corner of the bottom drawer of the dressing table in his mother’s room back in doncaster-

but that’s not important.

the thing that louis would claim to be the most dislikable thing about liam payne was how he hated himself. liam payne walked around with a kind of self-loathing that made louis want to punch him in the throat. the boy was sometimes a bit too criticising in louis’ opinion, but liam payne was never _cruel_ -

except when he was criticising himself.

louis hated people who came up with reasons to hate themselves. call him a hypocrite but at least with himself, he wasn’t making anything up. he knew his haircut was rubbish, knew that he had the worst voice out of all of them, knew that the reason people don’t seem to remember that he—like liam payne, had auditioned before as well, was because he wasn’t special or significant enough to be remembered. he knew his mother blamed him for his father’s departure and he absolutely knew, deep in his heart, that he will never be anything worth something to anyone.

louis knew all of the things wrong with him, liam payne didn’t have to.

because if there was one thing that wasn’t wrong with louis tomlinson, it was his ability to recognize good people from bad. and despite everything, liam payne was a good person.

it made louis uncomfortable sometimes, the way the boy walked with his head held high but with eyes that screamed _fragile_. liam payne held himself in a way that made you want to handle him with caution, made you want to do anything in your power to not scare him away. louis noticed how the other boys acted around said boy. the way zayn treated him in a way that couldn’t be called anything but gentle, the way niall took his criticism with a stride–knowing that the other boy was only terrified of losing (again). and louis—to his displeasure also noticed how harry would sometimes look after louis took a piss out of the wolver hampton boy, how there would be guilt in those green eyes that made louis want to do anything in the world to get them back to the way they were –shining and full of mischief. 

but louis never liked being told to do now did he.

so when liam payne’s eyes begged softness, louis did everything in his power to be hard. when liam payne’s posture showed discomfort, louis made sure he made the other boy more uncomfortable. louis tomlinson didn’t play by anybody’s rules, not even liam payne’s. the boy wasn’t made of glass, and louis didn’t know why he was the only one aware of that fact. 

and if you asked louis, he’d tell you the thing he disliked the most about liam payne was the fact that louis couldn’t dislike him at all—

no matter how hard he tried.

**+**

“you know what would be ace?”

came the voice from bellow him—irish accent completely hard to miss. louis took a bite from the apple he had gotten from the kitchen moments before he ran into niall and got dragged into the living room to plank on the sofa. louis sometimes wondered if he should be worried about the way the other lad refused to be lazy by himself.

“what?” he said while still chewing the juicy goodness, apples were a perfect creation. niall sighed from where he laid on the floor beside the sofa louis was currently occupying. “playing in wembley,” he blurted with excited blue eyes, “fuck, mate just imagine it. the whole stadium filled just for _us_.” he said with such longing that it made louis fidget awkwardly, niall shouldn’t have to speak longingly about anything.

to say louis hadn’t gained a soft spot for the blond would be a lie. for some reason louis started to consider the boy as his actual real friend—not the acquaintance bullshit he had with liam payne. niall horan had pushed his way into louis’ life without any permission or warning and was now dangerously occupying a space in louis’ heart—for fuck’s sake, how did louis even let this _happen?_

“hazz!” niall’s voice shouted from below him, and before louis could even react he had his face stuffed with vanilla scented curls and his body squished by awkward limbs and pointy elbows. the face belonging to the attacking body glanced up at him-

and all louis could see was green.

-and later- _years_ later, louis will tell harry that he will never look at other eyes the way he looked at his, and that the flickers of yellow in those pools of green were the reason he woke up every morning-

but for now,

“hi,” the deep voice spoke shyly, as if he wasn’t the one jumping on louis and trapping him underneath his body. “liam and zayn left to go get some snacks from tesco’s, niall you should go join them.” dimples appeared as the cheeky smirk on the boy’s face grew, niall groaned from below them.

“you guys ‘re cunts, did ya know that?” he asked without waiting for an answer before grabbing a random hoodie from under louis’ thighs and making his way through the front door, slamming it shut behind him. he looked at the amused face on top of him, trying not to show how much he was affected by the proximity.

“harry.”

“louis.”

louis didn’t speak, waiting for the other boy to make the first move.

“well, now that we’re both familiar with each other,” was all harry said before leaning down and crushing his lips to louis’. louis didn’t even bother to act surprised, he saw it coming from the minute he laid eyes on harry—the first time in that bathroom, he knew.

it was a memorable meeting really—when louis met harry. louis didn’t think he could ever forget how nervous he was that day, how terrified he was of being rejected (again) and having to accept the fact that he was going to be working as a cashier boy to provide for his mother and sisters for the rest of his life. he could still remember how fidgety he was as he made his way to the bathroom so he can have a freak-out moment in private. he remembers peeing quickly and trying not to cry before he noticed another presence in the bathroom—a little too late if you asked him, the collision happening afterwards being proof of that.

“oops!” the other person said—a boy, before quickly straightening his posture to look at his attacker, which was him, louis realized dumbly. on a good day, louis’ brain-to-mouth filter was an approximate four out of ten, so louis wasn’t surprised of what came out of his mouth.

“hi.” he said in a daze, before the-

“holy _shit_ , you’re harry styles.” he breathed, looking at the younger boy standing in front of him, mouth gapping stupidly and all. louis knew who he was, everyone was talking about him, and louis also saw his audition. the boy was a walking star, burning and full of light—but not in the professional, careful way like liam payne, but in a way that was almost _natural_. as if he was born to be here, louis wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

louis remembers the way the other boy beamed at him, and he specifically remembered what he had done when he noticed the-

“dimples!” louis exclaimed loudly, pointing at the offending muscles. “are you aware that you have dimples?” he asked the boy before cocking his hip and raising an eyebrow. usually, this is where people closed off on themselves and gave louis shy responses. louis should have known then and there that harry styles was and never will be considered _usual_. 

“i am quite aware, thank you.” the boy said in a voice that louis was not expecting to hear. there was a smile on his face that could be considered cheeky if louis knew the boy better.

“and you are?” harry styles asked with a look in his eyes that louis knew too well, considering he usually owned it. louis, ever the polite, stuck out his hand for the other boy to shake, “i’m louis tomlinson.” he said, and if he selfishly did it just to feel how the other boy’s hand felt in his, then no one will ever know. harry styles gripped his hand firmly for a moment before turning it over palms down and bringing it to his mouth to plant the most disturbingly obscene kiss louis has ever seen, and louis has had a lot of kisses.

“nice to meet you.” harry styles said, letting louis’ hand linger in his for a beat before dropping it. they stood there staring at each other. louis took in the boy’s face, his green eyes, and those plump lips.

“i really hope you make it through.” the boys’ voice made him look up into his eyes once more. louis looked at him questioningly, “oh? and why’s that?” he asked him, not letting any emotion show on his face as the other boy stepped closer until he was right in front of louis. bloody hell, and louis considered _himself_ forward. “i dunno,” harry styles said with eyes that confirmed that he _did_ actually know. “don’t want you to leave before i get the chance to, um, know you.” the slight stutter reminded louis that harry styles was sixteen and even if he did talk like he came out of a pornographic film, he was probably innocent and confused and didn’t need louis to freak him out.

the realization made louis smirk—making sure he looked as cheeky as he can be, causing harry styles to grin goofily back at him. “don’t start what you can’t finish, pop star.” louis said while once again breaking eye contact to look at the boy’s lips.

and the one thing louis will never forget from their first meeting, were the words that came out of harry styles’ mouth next:

“who said i wasn’t gonna finish?”

before pushing louis against the wall and kissing the living life out of him. now, despite all the boys (minus liam payne)’s teasing, louis and harry did _not_ have sex in that bathroom that day. they did, however,  snog each other’s faces off until they ran out of breath before giving each other shy smiles and hopeful gazes and then going on separate ways.

it was a very romantic meeting, if louis should say so himself.

“what ‘re you thinking ‘bout?” harry said after pulling away from louis’ lips and started making his way down louis’ neck, leaving light kisses as he went. louis closed his eyes and leaned his head back to give easier access.

“the day we met.” he said breathlessly, “you were such a slut now that i think about it.” louis told him as he tangled his fingers through harry’s curls, messing them up even more. he felt harry’s breath on his collar bone as the other boy gave a chuckle. harry crawled back up louis’ body to look into his eyes, dimples in full view.

“only for you,” he said softly. it was so sincere that louis felt his stomach twist and turn, reminding him perfectly of how he wasn’t used to this—used to _harry_. he swallowed nervously before letting out a hopefully sincere sounding chuckle. “oh, really? no making out in bathrooms with anyone else?” louis didn’t know why he was asking, he already knew that there was no one else, saw it in harry’s eyes every time he looked at him. but he still wanted to hear harry say it. harry leaned forward and louis closed his eyes preparing for the kiss that never came, for he felt a soft pair of lips gently peck his forehead before lingering there for a few moments.

“i’m starting to believe that there will never be anyone else.”

oh.

louis felt his stomach drop and the urge to run out of the room was strong. this was too soon—too fucking soon. louis didn’t want to hear this, he didn’t deserve to hear this. people like harry styles do _not_ have strong feelings for people like louis, because usually, people like harry styles are too busy being with other people—whole people, not ones like louis, who couldn’t even remember the last time he felt truly happy.

louis didn’t want to hear this.

his heart was beating wildly and harry was looking at him like he was expecting him to leave. and fuck, louis couldn’t move because no, he didn’t deserve this but when will he find this again? when will he meet someone like harry again? harry was everything louis didn’t know he wanted, he was beautiful in every meaning of the word. louis knew that harry will leave him one day, and that it will probably destroy him. but until that happens, louis will make sure to spend as much time with harry styles as he could, because he was sure that he will never find beauty like this ever again. boys like louis do not meet boys like harry, and if they do, they certainly do not get to keep them. louis doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

it’s with that thought in mind that louis brings both his hands on each side of harry’s face and leans his forehead against his. he feels harry let out a breath—relief, of what, louis doesn’t want to know.

“i hope the world never changes your mind.” comes out of his mouth before he could stop it. he doesn’t wait for harry to answer him and quickly presses his mouth against his. this kiss is different than all the others they had previously shared. this one feels desperate in a way that louis doesn’t want to understand. he ends the kiss when he runs out of breath and brings harry closer so he can burry his head in the younger boy’s neck. they stay silent for a beat before harry holds him tighter.

“it won’t.” harry says quietly and louis closes his eyes and tries not to believe him.

harry styles is going to ruin him, and louis won’t do anything to stop it.

he pressed himself closer to the other boy and tried not to think about another universe where he would deserve to be loved by someone who shines as bright as the boy on top of him does.

**+**

“come on harry, take a deep breath and i want you to let the voice come out from _here_.” liam payne said as he motioned towards the younger boys’ chest, right at the center. louis watched as harry nodded furiously and did what he’d been told. the note coming out perfect in louis’ opinion, but the wince on liam payne’s face said otherwise.

“it’s okay,” liam payne said soothingly, giving harry a comforting smile. “you’ll get it eventually, you just need to practice.” he said, looking even more puppy-like than usual at the sight of harry’s crestfallen face. but harry didn’t seem to take no for an answer— _did he ever?_ louis thought fondly, and proceeded to urge the other boy to try again. louis noticed that liam payne looked tired today, which was unusual since louis recalls him going to bed yesterday before all of them, and was half surprised that the other boy agreed quickly. 

they were all currently in the practice room, perfecting their notes and queues for this week’s performance. the song simon picked was easy enough, and it wasn’t like the rest of the boys had anything to worry about considering liam payne got the lead vocals… _again._

louis doesn’t want to seem like a jealous twat, liam payne’s words, but he really can’t fucking help it when the rest of them are acting like background singers. and louis didn’t even care about himself, he was glad about not having his squeaky voice on the spotlight. but niall and zayn were amazing and harry was brilliant. the world deserved to know that and they won’t be able to if liam payne’s blurting out every note. 

harry’s voice belting out the same note yet again broke him out of his thoughts and he focused once more on the two boys in front of him. he was a hundred percent sure that harry nailed it this time, and harry’s hopeful expression seemed to agree with him. but when he caught sight of liam payne’s face wincing once again, he got off his seat. liam payne ignored louis and gave harry a pat on the shoulder. “that was brilliant harry, loads better than the last ones.” he said encouragingly, puppy eyes on full force. but harry shrugged his arm off, frowning. “i didn’t get it though?” and he sounded so disappointed that louis wanted to rip liam payne’s throat out. liam payne however, just started to look guilty again—much to louis’ annoyance. “of course you did mate, you can do it better though.” he said with a soft smile. harry was biting his lip and avoiding the other boy’s gaze, as if embarrassed.

well, that won’t do. 

“alright big shot,” louis called out while walking over to the two of them, “let’s see you do it.” he said with a nod at the other boy. liam payne flushed and took a step back. “that’s not really necessary, harry will be able to do it in no time, i’m knackered anyway.” he said as he made move to walk away, but louis didn’t let him. he wasn’t going to let this stupid bigheaded wannabe make harry feel like a failure and then walk away because he’s _knackered_. 

“hit the bloody note, payne.” he demanded, still gripping the younger boy’s arm. he watched as liam payne’s eyes narrowed at the hand gripping him before glancing back up at louis. “louis,” he said calmly, “back off.” his low voice once again making a presence and louis was suddenly reminded of their argument on their first week, how liam payne fucking threatened him. louis still hates himself for listening to him.

he glared back.

“no, _you_ back off,” he snapped, “always making us feel like we’re beneath you. well show me what you got, payne.” liam payne rolled his eyes—that fucker.

“how many times do i have to tell you that i’m not better than anyone?” he barked back, ripping his arm from louis’ grasp easily and turning around to grab his phone from the other side of the room, louis hot on his heels. “when you start acting like you’re not better than anyone.” he said, letting his voice get higher.

“i’m not!” liam payne yelled out, turning around to face louis again.

“then prove it!” louis shrieked back, he moved so he was right in front of liam payne’s face.

“hit the bloody note.” he said quietly, not letting his eyes leave liam payne’s. he felt an arm suddenly grabbed his waist and he turned expecting harry but was surprised to find zayn standing there glaring at him. “louis,” zayn said in a tone that louis had never heard from him before, “back the fuck off.” he said, making his voice cold. louis was so taken back that he didn’t know how to respond for a moment. he always knew that if it came down to between him and liam payne, that zayn would be by liam payne’s side in an instant. but knowing something and actually seeing it happen in front of you are two very different things.

“it’s alright, zayn.” liam payne’s voice brought louis’ attention back to him, “he wants to hear the note, then lets make him hear the note.” he said before taking a breath and letting his voice out. 

the boys all stood still as liam let out a note that neither of them knew was even possible to achieve at their age and experience. even niall was looking at the boy in complete awe. liam payne’s face didn’t color and he didn’t look like he was struggling at all. louis tried to stop the ball of envy that was threatening to explode in his stomach but he couldn’t—it wasn’t fair. why did he get to effortlessly sound like that while the rest of them tear their throats out practicing?

it wasn’t _fair._  

once liam payne was done, he surprisingly didn’t look smug or arrogant. he simply gave louis a nod before walking out of the room. louis watched stupidly as the door slammed shut behind him. he barely had enough moments to process what just happened when a hand fisted his shirt and he was pulled so that he was face-to-face with a very angry zayn malik.

“what the fuck is wrong with you?” zayn asked him with so much disgust, louis almost felt ashamed— _almost_. louis had many answers to that question really but zayn didn’t let him talk. “what are you trying to prove? he has done nothing to you ever since we got here and all you do is keep acting like a cunt.” louis had to hand it to zayn, he didn’t expect the insult to come out of his mouth so easily. louis rolled his eyes at the bradford boy, just to annoy him further really. “it’s not my fault he’s a cocky twat.” he said lamely, what was he supposed to say? that he couldn’t stand liam payne because he lived his whole life wanting to _be_ liam payne? louis couldn’t afford to seem more pathetic than he already is. he could feel harry staring at him worriedly from beside him, and louis felt his heart swell just a bit.

“ _fuck_ you,” zayn spat angrily, and louis didn’t get why he was so mad. “leave him the fuck alone.” he said before letting louis go, rather harshly and following the exit liam payne just took. louis ran his hands through his hair and turned to face niall and harry, who were both looking at him. louis bit his lip before giving them a hopeful smile, “mario kart?” he asked in a small voice.

a snort came from his right and he looked to see niall shaking his head at him. “you need to get your shit together tommo.” he said, sounding almost amused, louis ignored the use of the nickname liam payne had called him the day they almost killed each other. “i’ll start the game.” louis watched as niall also made his way out of the room, leaving him alone with harry. he didn’t know how the other boy would react to the showdown that just occurred, but when he turned to face harry he didn’t expect the other boy to be softly smiling at him. he waited a few moments and when the other boy still didn’t say anything he crossed his arms.

“what?” he asked, cheeks warming from the attention he was receiving. harry just shook his head—more fondly than the way niall did, and walked towards louis before wrapping his arms around him.

"liam isn’t better than you, you know.” he said softly while sliding his hands back and forth over louis’ sides, trying to calm him. the motion didn’t stop louis’ body from tensing completely, “i don’t know what you’re talking about.” louis said hotly, giving harry a snort. “liam payne is nothing to me.” harry’s arms tightened their hold when he felt louis make a move to pull away.

“no, liam payne is something.” he said back, less calmly than before. “a something that hasn’t done anything to deserve to be bullied by you on a daily basis.” harry said, sounding nothing like the cheeky boy he was used to. louis’ jaw clenched, _how dare he-_

“you’re _perfect_ louis.” harry said, grabbing louis’ face with his hands. “absolutely perfect, and you don’t need to do this to prove anything to anyone, including me.” louis felt a lump rise in his throat, and he didn’t know what to say—what was there to say really? he stayed silent in harry’s arms, trying not to seem even more pathetic than he already was.

“you’re the most beautiful person ‘ve ever met.” harry told him while burying his face in louis’ hair. louis felt his face getting even hotter and tried not to let his surprise at the compliment show. “thanks, harold.” he said flatly, sounding successfully unaffected in his opinion. harry just held on tighter before pulling away and holding louis’ hand, he stared at their intertwined fingers for a moment.

“i just wish you would see it.” harry whispered softly before leading louis to the living room, not waiting for an answer.

louis wouldn’t have one for him anyway. 

**+**

 


End file.
